I didn't shave. On purpose
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
