can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
