I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
