we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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