Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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