Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
