If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
