I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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