people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
