Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
