Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize