I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
