Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
