My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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