Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
