mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
