She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I deserve this hangover.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
