ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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