a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
