dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
