no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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