LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
