I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
