remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
