I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
