Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize