I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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