You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
