I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
