i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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