When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize