she takes plan B like it's going out of style
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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