I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
