I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize