But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
