OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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