The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
