Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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