like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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