He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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