I want to walk on stilts...naked
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
