You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
