We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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