Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
