Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
