I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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