For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I could make wine with my vomit
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize