This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
