So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
