if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
