laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
