ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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