your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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