Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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