the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
