Define "chronic" masturbator.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize