did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
