the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
