Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
