I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
