so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
