I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
