Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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