did you get engaged???
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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