just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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