College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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