he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
