Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
These tits shall not be calmed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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