you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
