I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
