i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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