I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
