I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
