She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I would fuck him just for his dog
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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