i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
