Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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