I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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