Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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