How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Damn victory sex feels great
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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