I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
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