I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
