if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
