I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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