I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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