dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
