What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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