my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
