i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize