Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
