Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
