Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
