I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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