I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
