Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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