i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
