I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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