So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize