idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
