Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
