whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
