im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
