I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
