Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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