He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
