that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize